


Longing

by Anon_H



Series: Bag o gifts [10]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Celibacy, F/M, Fantasizing, Gift Fic, One-Sided Relationship, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 23:47:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri begins fantasizing about being Porrim's moirail and allows his thoughts to wander.</p><p>Giftwork for Toaneo07</p>
            </blockquote>





	Longing

Why did she have to torment him so?

Kanrki shook his head. No, this was not her fault. Maryam knew she was desirable but probably wasn’t even aware of what she was doing to him. He absent-mindedly played with the hem of the sweater she gave him as he recalled their last argument. All those pent up feelings she brings to the surface, everything he had forsworn. She made him want it again.

He bit the hem of his sweater in frustration when he tried to recall the fluctuation in her voice as she yelled at him. There was no hate behind her words, but she wanted to challenge him. She wanted to help him to help himself. Kankri didn’t know whether or not she was aware off it, if it was subconscious or if he was just imagining it. Regardless of her intent, it stirred feelings in him he could not acknowledge.

He couldn’t help it: he wanted to stand next to her as a equal and help her as well. Despite her carefree disposition he knew how troubled she was regarding the concupiscent quadrants and her inability to remain intimate with her partners. Mental images of him comforting her rushed through his mind. The two of them sharing a pile made of fabrics, books and manifests. Jamming about their different views of the social issues in their team. He shook his head, trying to fight his own imagination.

He had to resist this temptation. For what it was worth, he was the leader of their team and he had no need for these distractions.

Taking a deep breath he sat back in his chair. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the exact words of his vow. “No love before the love for my people. No rest until….” Porrim’s face flashed before his mind’s eye.”No rest until……” She was smiling bashfully at him. Vulnerable and open atop of a pile. He trashed his head.  
“She’d never look like that.” He growled as the image changed into a confident looking Porrim with a satisfied smile inviting him next to her on the pile. 

It felt wrong to fantasize about her like this. It felt wrong but he desired it so.

Meenah would probably make fun of him for it. She would probably tell him to “suck it up” and just go for it. Talk about someone who would need a moirail. The heiress herself was a powder keg and needed a good pale relationship to keep from blowing. She probably wouldn’t allow him to get close to her like that, but the idea to try was so very tempting. Seeing Meenah’s vulnerable side and help her develop a sense of ethics that she could pass it on when she would inevitably lead their race would be the apex of what a moirail could achieve. In turn, she would help him become more assertive. Sometimes, he felt like he could really learn something from her attitude.  
He sighed deeply, imagining the seadweller looking grumpy on top of the pile. She probably wouldn’t believe someone would dare to call her out on her selfish behavior but a good moirail would. And how desperately he wanted to become that moirail. If only it were that simple. Kankri valued his vow and he refused to break it. 

It was an impossible fantasy. Meenah would never even consider him an option. Besides, the heiress already had Aranea, who….. Kankri bit the hem of his shirt again as he curled up in his chair as he continued fantasizing.

Aranea. Such a gentle and kindhearted troll. She would be perfectly capable of pacifying him if he would ever lose his cool during an argument. She seems so soft and kind: Her papping hand could probably calm even the angriest subjuggulator. Her voice was soothing as a song and her demeanor calm and proper. Kankri briefly wondered if he would be able to help her, if she’d have any problems at all, but the shooshing noise made by an imaginairy Aranea put his nerves at ease. The blueblood would make such a wonderful pilemate, Kankri could almost feel her hands messing with his hair and playing with her horns.  
He didn’t have to worry about helping her with her problems, because she would be too busy helping him with his. Besides, it was only a fantasy. He didn’t have to listen to Serket’s innermost secrets of feelings. He probably never would.

Because Kankri valued his vow and he refused to break it.

Even if sometimes he wished he would.

**Author's Note:**

> This request gave me a lot of freedom, which incidentally made it incredibly difficult. First I wanted to do a fivesome for Kankri/Latula/Meenah/Aranea/Porrim, but I consider Kankri's celibacy an integral part to his character. And I already used the 'he gets raped' excuse in 'Just like your brother'. Remaining option was writing PWP, but I actually like writing a plot to go with smut.  
> After that the fivesome became abandoned and ideas became progressively more stupid (Aranea and Kankri try to start a bookclub? Why?). So fuck it I said, I was in a mood for more pale shenanigans anyway and I get to keep his celibacy intact.
> 
> And for now this marks the end of my bag o gifts series. It was a lot of fun and I came across a few very fun requests. A few bullshit ones as well, but those only challenge the creativity. As soon as I finish my next project I may put up something like this again. Untill then, Anon_H ollies outie.


End file.
